give me the grace...to open the door

i need to remember some things God has done in the desert...
1. met me in edmond. set me free.
2. He let me rest in His perfect peace and joy immediately. no earning it.
3. brought people into my life in fort collins for my support and encouragement.
4. answered multiple prayers very very quickly.
5. gave me a clear vision of my near future. what to do where to go.
6. taught me multiple lessons on myself and how to live being me.
7. provided financially for wrecking annas car and for my root canal and crown. He's in charge of perfect timing.
8. let me experience restoration and redemption with my brother and sister.
9. forgive and love me even though ive already given into temptation of my past.
10. shown me growth and maturity have happened even if i sometimes feel like im living on square one.
11. by His grace... there's still more gardening being done in this desert im in.

replacement is better than removal

people tend to call me weird. and strange. and sometimes crazy...
my desire was to let these comments slide right off my back or even better
to take them as compliments no matter what the original intentions were.
i did a pretty good job of the latter for quite a bit. BUT it was still like i was trying...
God has been so wonderfully faithful to tell me who i am. His princess...His wonderfully weird creation.
and i believed it. but then the comments seemed to come tenfold. and the enemy used this as means
to remind me of how i used to feel about myself. why i hated who i truly am and became a depressed
boring "regular" person. because other people see me as weird.
the other night...after having a long stressful week i collapsed under the weight.
God's faithfulness remained though.
i called my dad.
i broke down and told him how i felt. how people's words still hurt and how i knew the devil was trying to
get me to believe the old stupid lies. and i couldnt stand much longer.
he said let's pray char.
He prayed a very simple powerful prayer.
He asked God to replace my feelings in response to people calling me weird.
He told the old attachments that came with the word weird to go and replaced them with the JOY of the Lord
because i am weird. and God LOVES that.
After this he said amen...and then..."char you are WEIRD!"
i laughed the most ridiculous laugh and couldnt stop for quite a while.
isn't God beautiful??
replacement of my emotion is way better than removal of words!
not only am i a princess...i get to be a weird thing of God!!


"for the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."
1. Corinthians 1:25