my favorite month.
it feels different outside, which is a nice breath of fresh air...so to speak.
it is the legit beginning of fall, which means john mayer and hoodies make their grand entrance into my life. i'm a summer gal, tried and true, but there is something so special about fall.
october is my birthday month, thus the magic i find myself wrapped up in.
fall brings reflection and introspection. quiet and calm partner with expectation and a tad bit of tension.
why, i am not sure. but it does. every year.
maybe it's the impending doom that is winter mixed with the beautiful sound of rustling leaves.
i feel introspective like no other lately.
what's going on in my heart, my life, my mind, body, and soul.
they all feel quiet and tense.
it's the feeling of waiting.
but waiting is good, they say.
once again...whoever "they" are.
i know they are right, though.
you have to wait 9 months to birth a baby.
if you decided you were impatient and ready for new life to appear at 3 months....
well, new life would not stay new life long.
waiting is important, this i am sure.
and i can be patient.
but gracious, i tend to despise the chill that comes with it.
i've been wondering, all over again, what the point is.
if i am to wait, i need to know that "baby" promised is worth it.
sometimes, i don't feel sure of that.
other times, i would die for it.
my prayer, my dear need, is to find rest there.
rest in the wondering, the waiting, the feeling that it might not be worth it. and the assurance that it is.
give me rest in the blazing sun, rest in the mystic of autumn, rest in the dark and sometimes cruel cold, rest in the rain and roses.
and john mayer.