Friday, February 27, 2009

a bit risky

"If we want the true revelation of the testimony of Jesus to manifest in our ministry, then we must be willing to live in HIS truth in our own hearts."
No desire to be “right”
No fear of man - being motivated by people pleasing
No personal agendas of spiritual success
No offense at humiliation - We’ve died to our own life, remember?

my mom sent me this. it originally came from my friend chris who has made a huge impact in my life.
this is a bit risky i decided. if im 100% sure that i want to rid myself and let Jesus reign in me...these things are key.

no desire to be right: im a bit scared to not hear what God wants me to say. im nervous that when im wrong that could mean ive lost my connection to Him. that im once again operating out of charlsey and not out of my sweet lover's heart. Pride is also a demon on my back because if i lose my right to be right that could mean i would have to humble myself to not care. to not hold on to this fleshly desire to be just as a smart if not smarter than people. to hold my ground and defend myself because i dont want to be counted as worthless in what i have to say. but Jesus operated out of love and love gives up its rights if im dead to myself my rights of wanting to be right hold no ground. thats gone with the rest of me.

no fear of man: this is probably the scariest of all. i have always cared what people think of me. am i good enough? am i the charlsey that they want me to be? i like peace so sometimes going as far as to change who i am to keep everything the way it "should be". pretty much im not one to rock the boat. while Jesus loved peace to...he never acted out of a fear of what man had to say in response to Truth. His perfect Truth. sharing God's Truth might mean i end up being the weird one. it might mean i speak God's love and someone's reaction isnt what sits well with me. It could mean I have to experience a losing of myself in every moment otherwise typical charlsey would be torn to shreds because of that fear of what others think. dying seems the best choice because i want to be a vessel. God will take care of my heart anyway for it's His.

no personal agendas of spritual success: this is a tricky one... my first reaction is no big deal there! i'm pretty much a baby. drinking the spiritual milk that God gives me daily. i have no clue as to what i'm doing and just expect God to use me when He wants because i'm in agreement with Him. but i already know comparing yourself with others sneaks in pretty quickly. If you see one person hearing from God all the time and you arent experiencing Him in the same way or the same amount you can begin to doubt yourself or worse God's intentions. My aunt said this to me a while ago and i read it in my journal a couple days ago: "the world need who God is- in and through you uniquely. God has different ways of sharing Himself to others. each person is unique and necessary for the kingdom of heaven to be brought here. He's given us all different gifts. He loves each of us so personally and intensely. The spritual ladder of success dies when we once again die. We should never compare ourselves to others. We should encourage and work together using our different talents and giftings from God.

no offenses at humiliation: this one goes along with the fear of man one...because humiliation comes from others typically. theyre reactions create in us some sort of feeling. which could be humiliation. Jesus' life was filled with humiliation from others. His death was humiliation itself. Remember we have died on the cross with Him. that humiliation is already ours. no offense at it though for as Paul said "consider it PURE JOY whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking ANYTHING." James 1:2-4
So to realize its a joy to die to yourself and let Him shine through you is enough. more than enough.
Im beginning to embrace that my reward really isn't here. my eternal reward is what keeps me running this race.

So forgive me for my rambling for as I wrote this it was being anchored in my own heart.
His way was never said to be easy...just wonderful, good, rewarding, freeing, peaceful, joyful, and full of LIFE!
Peace to the heart of anyone who reads this!

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